Last Saturday, the girls of Girl Scout Troop 10093 successfully completed their project of providing a sustainable garden for our Launch Pad (house for homeless young men). It was a lot of work on their part. They had to create the design and have it approved by Chaska Moravian Church which owns the house and the land on which the garden sits. They had to find funding which they received from St. Francis Regional Medical Center. They had to find gardening expertise which they found in a master gardener from the University of Minnesota Extension Office. They had to find workers to help install the garden which they found in parent volunteers and in guys from the Launch Pad.

The end result of all of their work is a fantastic garden which will provide fresh produce all summer long and for years to come. It’s amazing what can happen when the community partners together to create something beautiful.

Corey Magstadt is the founder and Executive Director of Launch Ministry. He is the author of the You Are Not Alone small group curriculum for parents of struggling young adults and Good News for the Poor, an advent devotional. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter.

This post was originally written on Launch Pad house manager Jason Garver’s personal blog.

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The topic of respect is something that hits close to home for me, as I’m sure it does for many other people from any age group and generation. I see Millennials struggle with the transition into the adult world and a huge part of that is figuring out what respect means and how to earn it. I think there’s a pretty big difference in the way that the boomer generation and Gen X show and obtain respect from others

As someone who has authority over Millennials what can you do to make this generation feel like a respected member of society?

Realize that Millennials crave your respect and confidence.
Mergspeaks.com had a great article last month about Millennials and why as a business leader you should respect their different skills. The truth is, Millennials want to have their opinions taken seriously. I can’t tell you how many times a ‘successful adult’ has been surprised by a good idea that someone younger has come up with.

Keep an open mind.
The article linked above has a good summary of some Millennial-specific skills that can be naturally incorporated into business. This goes for all areas of relationships with Millennials – we think differently than our parents did, and we should be treated as unique thinkers instead of “the fringe”. Giving a young adult’s ideas a chance, and after analysis offering constructive feedback might be one of the biggest ways to make us feel like we’re respected.

Remember that Millennials communicate very differently than past generations.
Too often I see that big difference in the ways Gen X shows and receives respect versus Millennials, often times completely different. Millennials might show respect by discussing advice given by mentors rather than following it blindly. Offering feedback to those who have authority over us shows that we feel that you (the boss, pastor, mentor) should be respected, at least we’re listening and not texting…. Right?

Give us intrinsic motivation to respect YOU.
Often I find myself indifferent to professors until I have seen research they’ve done, or discussions they’ve lead. This comes from a personal need to know why I should respect someone. Listing off your accomplishments might not do the trick, a Millennial might want to see your worth as a leader – so show them by doing.

Respect is emulated through our actions.
The most progress I’ve seen in myself and other Millennials that are a part of the Launch group has been just copying how respected members of our community act. Personally the best way for me to learn how to respect others is just watching others show respect. On the flip side, I’ve learned as a leader at the Launch Pad that a very effective way to earn the respect of the group (most of which are older than I) is to show them respect and give specific examples of things they can do to get more respect from me. As an authority figure your word means nothing without something behind it, and fear only goes so far – you’ll need the respect of your group.

As an influence to Millennials in your community take the information above to heart. Learn the differences in communication and styles of respect between Millennials in their elders. Become a good role model, because even if we don’t agree with you we’ll learn from how you act. We know that we have to earn respect, but we want you to remember that as well.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

This is our main weekly gathering and consists of time to support and learn from one another. Call or text Corey at 952.261.4606 for more information.

(here’s a short summary)

Passive: Involves violating your own rights by failing to express honest feelings or expressing your thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic, timid manner that others can easily disregard them.
 
Aggressive: involves directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way, which is emotionally honest, but usually inappropriate, and in violation of the rights of others.
 
Passive-Aggressive: Involves expressing your needs and feelings in an unclear and confusing manner.
 
Assertive: Involves standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways which do not violate another person’s rights.

While each conflict requires a tailored approach, and some personality types excel at one approach more than others, I continuously try to herd people my age towards the assertive way of thinking. In the ‘adult world’ there will always be situations that Millennials need to confront, often there will be no choice. If we can react to conflict in a healthy way not only do we neutralize anger and frustration, but we also set ourselves up for a better chance of having our needs met in the end.

I think there’s a rift in communication between those who have authority over us, and it’s not always just a difference in age that feeds it. Here at Launch Ministry we talk a lot (indirectly) about the steps in which people at the fringe need to take to accomplish their goals – but as a mentor, teacher or employer what steps should you take to get your point through to an argumentative Millennial?

First, realize that this generation learned bad conflict resolution skills. An immense issue with students at the Launch Pad (myself included) is that we’re expected to already practice healthy communication, even if we’ve never had any instruction as to what that means.

Without help we naturally start at the passive or aggressive sides of the communication spectrum. With Millennials often feeling like they get no respect from authority figures, this feeds an unhealthy addiction to retaliation. We can assume that when a person is brooding and scheming ways to ‘stick it to the man’ they don’t develop a lasting connection with “the man”. If people of influence in our communities know to recognize when Millennials are feeling this lack of respect, perhaps there could be a change in paradigm to put these feelings at rest.

When avoiding bad communication by preemptive action fails, Millennials are stuck with the aftermath of misunderstandings and unsaid feelings. As leaders in the community, acknowledging that there is still work to be done with Millennials is key. When you (a leader) get a response from an employee, student or child that is unfavorable often the first response is to dominate and prove your authority – but that’s not working much anymore. Through my interactions with people my own age I’ve found that for every disrespectful or disobedient act there should be a consequence, but not without the faith that we learn from our mistakes.

Millennials should maintain a voice as well as challenging authority around us to make our communities a better place. Half the battle is changing how we communicate in a way that allows respectful, assertive and honest relationships with members of our community. On the other side I want to urge the leaders around me to become more sensitive to the fact that as a whole Millennials might not have communication down.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

The story starts with Jesus traveling to Galilee, through Samaria. According to Jewish law and social custom Samaria was not to be traveled to, and the Samaritan  people were deemed unclean. “Good” Jews would walk many miles around Samaria just to avoid it and its people. Jesus, disregarding social norms, makes a point to stop at a well in Samaria to talk to a woman there and asks her for a drink. This was unheard of because she was a Samaritan her water containers were “unclean” and so was she. Jesus offers the woman “living water”, which confuses the woman. before she can really ask questions Jesus plays the prophet card, telling the woman that he knows about her five divorces and current unwed domestic partnership. The woman, knowing now that this is the prophet known as Christ runs back to town and gathers everyone to come see what’s going on, and they come. (There’s more, which I’ll use in part two of this post since I don’t want to get off track).

Why don’t people get connected with Millennials

First, within the right groups of people there’s a lot of communication and personal interest in Millennials. For instance in Chaska, MN – Launch Ministry, local non-profits, business owners, and all the regulars at the coffee shop have made me feel very connected and engaged with the community around me, including older generations. In this community there’s a huge support base to young people, myself included, but I think this is a niche in a wider environment of adulthood. Just like the Samaritan woman there are some obvious social reasons why we’re disconnected from older people, or why we feel that we are. One of the biggest reasons I have experienced is simply a difference of appearance and what appearance means to us (I will get at this more in part two). Millennials aren’t bogged down as much from the “right” look. We might have tattoos, body piercings, blue hair, thick glasses – all things that past generations find either repulsive, or at least unprofessional (even though we feel differently). We also carry ourselves in a “have all the answers” self confident manner that says that we care more about our abilities and drive than our marketable qualities. It could also be as simple as our generation’s disregard of authority, or the image of the hooligan that we’ve adopted. It’s easy to circumvent us when we’re just trying to succeed in our way.

Why do young adults need to be connected with?

I hear a lot of Gen Y and Baby Boomers say, “What went wrong with Millennials? Why do they need so much help with the same things we went through?”. I think the fact of the matter is the world is not the same as it was just fifteen years ago. Education means more, the job market sucks, family support is often lacking or non-existing. Sometimes we get lost without guidance from parents and mentors, and sometimes we just require more chances to learn how to do things right. When older people stay away from my generation it creates a rift. On one hand we’re trying to get jobs from people who have many differing values than we do and on the other hand we’re trying to express our ideas and unwillingness to conform. Without a middle ground we either get stuck in the “old ways” of society and loathe the transformation into our parents or we go to the extreme of non-conformity and never find a place to fit in and start a life.

What happens when someone goes out of their way to connect?

When Jesus tells the Samaritan woman about the “living water” referring to grace through God she responds in a way that makes me think she had no idea what he was talking about. Often in my daily life I seek the advice of mentors and role models around me, because quite often they have experiences that I do not. Millennials as a whole like to do things their way, we don’t like to be guided by generations that we feel have left us in the dark, and this is not good. It’s my personal opinion that I think many people my age have trouble admitting that they don’t know what they’re doing or that they need help figuring out life, which brings me to my next point. Sometimes we don’t know that we need help, and that’s where our mentors and community members come in. In the story above the Samaritan woman did not seek out Christ, he found her, in fact he made a point to break social norms to go see her. Helping emerging adults won’t work unless older, wiser people break their tunnel vision and see the problem. When successful adults take the time to meet and counsel Millennials it helps us solve our problems, but also makes us feel wanted and connected to our elders, which in turn will make us more willing to pursue help in the future. It’s like we’re addicted to struggling and all it takes is a weekly cup of coffee to break us out and make us grow. 

Effects of connections, self esteem, role models, changing worldview

I just want to end with what actually changes in our minds when we have a role model or just someone to help us make hard decisions. When we know we might fail we need to hear something like what Alfred says in Batman Begins “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again”. We can learn to be less critical and keep what little self esteem we have. If we have a good support system in our lives we start to feel better about people in general, which makes us more responsive to the help that some are willing to give. In addition to a heightened responsiveness we learn to think larger than our little personal bubble. Life becomes more manageable at the current point so we can start thinking about the future, especially if we have someone to sort it out with.  When our view on life, love and happiness changes to become healthier we can start making plans for the things that we know we want, which leads right back to having the confidence to accomplish goals. Our success is like a savings account with interest, if we keep the success rolling in we’ll accumulate more interest in the form of efficacy.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

A little personal background for myself here. I started college with a big push from my mentor when I was 19, declaring my major as premed thinking I wanted to be a doctor. After one semester of random unrelated classes at a community college near where I lived at the time, I eventually got myself into the University of Minnesota, continuing my pre-med degree. While I was at university I struggled with personal issues, like going to the particular school for wrong reasons and insomnia that forced me (or so i thought) to miss class and ultimately do a lot worse than I wanted to. After one semester, I transferred back to the same community college I started at, this time after re-evaluating my life, starting a degree in social work. After two semesters of struggling with the same issues, which now included odd work hours, unstable personal life, along with the continue struggle of insomnia, I finally took a semester off the college scene to figure out what I wanted with my life. When I came back to college I had a practical approach to my short-term goals with a clear view (I thought) of my long time goals. I started a Nursing Assistant program, having control over my sleep, and after many changes to my personal life I was finally successful at school. This is not to say everything was set in stone. Once more I changed my career path, but this time after very careful consideration about my passions, to physics (which I’m pursuing now and am fairly sure I will stick with).

Through all the time I’ve spent trying to figure out college, I’ve constantly worried about whether or not I’m making the right choice, if I’ll be able to use my degree how I want to, or if I even want to continue that career in the years to come. These are just some of the frustrations that come with trying to plan the majority of your life.

In a recent Forbes Magazine article, the author asserts that what Millennials want more than anything is a job that matters, ignoring title and pay along the way. The writer (an exec for a large corporation) talks about the need for the jobs of today to adapt to the new generation of worker. I think this is a very, very good thing. When reforming the workplace and jobs to be more individualized, creative and interesting we have to make sure we think about the training these jobs require. College is most often the first stop after high school for young adults to discover who they are and what they want.

One place I went wrong was that I tried to plan out my life to soon. I think most adults will agree that an 18 year old person doesn’t have the ability to plan out a focused and concise life goal for the next 20 years, especially since it’s a time for huge growth and introspective thinking about ones self. If I had been more willing to listen to mentors, teachers and peers I may have waited before going into school or had an undeclared major. There’s an issue with that however. My mentors, teachers and peers initially didn’t have the resources or time to really get me focused on figuring out the “right” plan for school. Due to those factors as well as my own naive thinking, I never developed a ‘real’ plan.

When I talk with people about this issue this question often comes up: “What do you guys (millennials) need to feel like college is worthwhile and right for you?” My first answer is always that we think college is very necessary and in no way do we think it’s a waste of time if we find the right place to be, the right professors and the right major. The Minnesota Office of Higher Education shows these results saying that there’s only a 61% graduation rate with 4 year degrees in Minnesota colleges. This is even more of a reason to get involved, as a mentor, an educator, or just a community member. College is already financially straining but when we don’t even know how to ‘do’ it right there’s no chance for survival.

Launch Ministry has tons of resources for parents and young adults but here’s some food for thought:

• After high school help young adults figure out what they want and what they’re passionate about.
• Encourage deeper thought about education and life goals- get away from money, title or education length.
• Support any funds to help with various fees of college admission- that process is hard enough, but when you have to cough up your very hard earned dollars for application fees, complacency takes over.
• Let others know you’re willing to listen and support- Whether you are a friend, a parent, teacher or stranger just listen to our dreams, because if we feel good about them we’ll do what it takes to get them done.
• And most of all, trust us. We are the next generation, treat us as that.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

A personal goal of mine, now that I have a stable place to live (at Launch Ministry’s “Launch Pad”), is to work on character development and weasel my way into the adult world. Coming back to my original question, what else can we change when we have that extra emotional capacity free?

Perhaps the most obvious is personal finance, which can be a struggle even later in life. One of the hardest parts of learning how to manage your own money is having the money to manage! It’s no secret that in order to have a job you need a level of stability in your life; transportation, housing, access to a shower, etc. Once you have those ducks in a row money should start rolling in, right? Wrong, at least not for Millennials. The lack of know-how usually provided by parents and mentors is horrifying, along with this need for the instant gratification of buying new shiny toys that my generation holds so dear. I am not claiming that I am immune to these problems, on the contrary they affect me every time I walk into a store.

Since there are two distinct problems as far as I’m concerned, there are two distinct solutions.  First learn how to make your money go further. Even though I, like most others, have tons of bills to pay just to stay afloat in today’s world I manage all of my expenses only working part-time while I’m in school. Launch Ministry gives people my age in Chaska the chance to live in a house for reduced rent while providing free skill building classes each week- which is a huge part of my success, but there’s more! As simple as it sounds, learning to cook saves me about $100 a month in groceries. Completely cutting out fast food and pop-in-the-oven meals is not only healthier (which makes me feel physically better) but it saves so much money that I can use on other aspects of my life.

Another big lesson I’ve learned recently is to limit the things that I buy for myself. Outside of necessities I like to buy myself new toys, new expensive toys. The only way I’ve been able to buy the things I want is to bide my time and save. Personally, and readers, feel free to challenge this, I think this “need for instant gratification” comes from a good place. Anytime someone asks me about my life goals and where I want to be in ten years I laugh a little in my head. This hilarity is not because I don’t know what I want, but because it’s often the exact same things my parents generation would want, I just want it faster. Being 22 years old I don’t get to buy a lot of the things I really want just because i’m not financially established, but that’s not to say I don’t have an outlet for my instant gratification.

While this may give Millennials a bad name it’s not all bad. I mentioned above that we need skills to succeed, that are usually given to us by our parents but so often are severely lacking. One such skill is finding ways to curb the need for new shiny toys by learning to appreciate what we have and the work it takes to get what we want, whatever that may be; Ipods, computers, a less boring job, to finish college already.

Sometimes growing up we miss those life lessons about saving and money management, and my real issue is that we’re expected to already have those skills entering the adult world. Getting a job is hard enough, but after that we have a far harder task. Many of us never learned how to build credit and save money. The question is, where do we learn this if nobody is willing to help patiently? I wish there were more people willing to stand by this “entitled” generation after the hand outs end. They would see a lot of lost and confused young adults who literally don’t know how to limit spending and build a savings account.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

More and more people my age have to search for jobs far from home. According to the University of Minnesota research the average commute distance in the state is 19.7 miles, which leads into my first story.

Living in Chaska, a young man had an opportunity for an interview in Minneapolis at noon today. With no car of his own this young adult had to work out bus scheduling and transportation the two miles to the bus station (or walk in the cold). Through the help of two of his roommates and a little finesse he made today a success.

Another story involves a young person who purchased their first car. This person worked and saved until he could afford the cheapest of cheap cars, and after finally buying said car he ran into problems. Working at a minimum wage job paying for gas and insurance was hard enough, but when his car broke down he thought he was out of options- But he wasn’t, his mentor, friends and peers all pitched in until he could find new transportation.

These outcomes are admittedly better than they could have been, but i think both outline the big problems with the acquisition and implementation of reliable transportation. First, the lack of transportation is often the first and hardest issue to overcome- cars are expensive, if you’re unlucky enough to be on your own before you’re 25 insurance will break your bank.

Secondly, without some guidance and humility, creative solutions are not available. So many people my age are simply ignorant of public transportation, and even more ignorant to the fact that often they have a support system that can help them.

I spoke before about extraordinary measures and extraordinary kindness. When it seems like transportation is a deal breaker we tend to give up on our goals, when all we need is guidance. You don’t have to own a business or have a role as a community leader to help out. Like the stories above, often all it takes is a caring friend and maybe a bus schedule.

Jason Garver has been part of Launch Ministry for nearly 4 years. Between college classes, reading physics textbooks, spending time with his girlfriend, and working, he still has time to serve as a Launch Pad house manager. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter or check out his new blog.

As great as this story is, there are countless other stories being told all around the country that don’t have the same results. I can give you names of half a dozen young adults who have gone to interview after interview, yet their lack of experience or mistakes from their past prevent them from being hired. The 13.1% unemployment rate among young adults (which doesn’t count those who have simply given up in despair) demonstrates further problems. The fact that the young man in the story had to walk 10 miles to even get a job interview shows us that something is tremendously broken.

We need more people like this restaurant owner to give young adults a second chance. There are many out there who are not polished, don’t have the experience employers would like, yet will make fantastic employees because they will work hard and learn what they need to in order to succeed.

Are you an employer in the Chaska/Chanhassen area? We’d love to talk with you! We’ve got your next great staff person ready to go!

Corey Magstadt is the founder and Executive Director of Launch Ministry. He is the author of the You Are Not Alone small group curriculum for parents of struggling young adults and Good News for the Poor, an advent devotional. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter.

One of the dreams that we had when starting our first Launch Pad (safe and stable housing for homeless and transitioning young adults) was that we would see the young men that we work with begin to develop mature relational skills that would serve them for the rest of their lives. Last week at our house meeting, we saw a perfect example of how that was actually happening.

Without going into too much detail, there was a conflict between a person at the house and the house manager. The first person confronted the house manager about some things in a very visible way. The house manager later asked me how to address the situation. I coached him through some things and he had a very positive and productive conversation with the other person.

Then something amazing happened. At the house meeting, the young man who had initiated the conflict publicly apologized for his part in the conflict and affirmed to the group that he respects the house manager’s leadership and that the conflict was over. No one asked him to do this. He just felt that for the good of the house, it was important to reconcile both privately and publicly.

This is just a small story, a relatively meaningless little conflict between a couple of guys. But it’s significant. We want to foster the kind of maturity that is willing to admit fault, set aside reputation, deal with conflict appropriately and make amends as needed. Since so many “mature” adults are unable to do this, it was fantastic to see these young men who have faced such tremendous challenges in their lives begin to live up to their potential.

The Launch Pad is more than just a house. It is more than simply a safe place for homeless and transitioning young men to call home. It is also an environment where personal growth can happen. When these young men no longer have to worry about where they are going to sleep at night or how they are going to find food to eat, they finally have an opportunity to grow in the other broken areas of their lives. They begin to dream and set goals. They start to invest time into becoming someone better. They stop settling for their old lives and attitudes.

We are thrilled with what we have seen happening so far at the Launch Pad and are so grateful for our community partners that have helped make it happen.

Corey Magstadt is the founder and Executive Director of Launch Ministry. He is the author of the You Are Not Alone small group curriculum for parents of struggling young adults and Good News for the Poor, an advent devotional. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter.